Orihime and Ichithing's Big Date
by soner
Summary: Title is self-explanatory, wouldn't you say? Orihime and Ichithing go on a lovely date.


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Blood.

All Orihime could see, hear and even _breathe _was blood. It was being shed before her eyes, pounding in her ears and coating her throat, making it difficult to draw breath.

Ul-something-or-other and Kurosaki-kun were still fighti– was it Kurosaki-kun? That _thing _was Kurosaki-kun? Its claws were slicing, shredding everything in its path. Was this really the same nerdy, awkward, teenage-boy-yet-somehow-also-a-gallant-superhuman-white-knight that she'd always known so well and loved?

Orihime's mind was swirling like a pair of sneakers in a washing machine. She lightly pressed her fingertips against her temples, hoping to stop this hurricane of confusion. "Ow!" she winced, her fingers pressing against the bruises left from the numerous boulders Kurosaki-kun had thrown on her.

"Inoue," Ishida said, startling her. Despite having been stabbed, and then carelessly- oops, I meant **carefully **flung face-first into a safe location among some boulders 50 feet away, he was fine. Just fine.

"Yes, Ishida-kun?" she replied kindly.

"**RRAAAAAARRRRGGGGAAAAGGGGGHHHH!!!!"** Kurosaki-kun bellowed in the background, sucker-punching Ulquiorra in the throat.

"Heal me," Ishida whined. "Heal me now, and then we can try to stop that monster-"

"Yes," she nodded, surveying the battle. "Ulolkora – or whatever his name is - is monstrous indeed."

"No," he said, groaning, as if speaking was actually some effort. (Loser.) "We have to stop Kurosaki-"

"I couldn't help but notice," Orihime continued, "that there are some heart-shaped rocks over there." She suppressed her beautiful, angelic smile.

"_What?"_ said Ishida, wheezing like a stupid asthmatic.

"**HUUUAAAARRRRGGGHHH!!"** screamed Kurosaki-kun from somewhere nearby.

"This was my best idea ever," she decided.

"…What?" he whispered in a long, drawn-out breath. It was getting harder and harder for him to talk.

"Well," she began. "After I'd done everything I possibly could and exhausted all of my resources in this situation, I heroically called upon Kurosaki-kun to help us all. He was in the best place to step in, wouldn't you say?" She smiled at Ishida, tolerating his presence like a saint.

Ishida had closed his eyes and was silent.

_Of course _he'd be a rude listener. She should have known, she reflected to herself, as that furry goat-man managed to shield the two from yet another attack, while also driving Ichigo back about 30 yards.

"Anyway," she continued. "Even you can see how those heart-shaped rocks prove that his glorious rebirth was due to his suppressed feelings for me."

Ishida was continuing to play dead, she noticed. He looked like a starfish, all sprawled out lazily like that. How useless he was in battle!

"Remember how he carefully handed me over to you?" She smiled softly, and lightly touched the numerous large scrapes and bruises on her face (softly, because they still stung from the force of his romantic passion). "I'll definitely thank him after this battle is over."

But then she realized something. Why wait? This battle was already over, wasn't it?

"**WAAAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!" **Ichigo roared, possibly looking in her direction. It gave her courage.

She understood everything now, and the realization that this was not a battle at all, but instead a _first date _left her feeling uncharacteristically bold. She started walking forwards.

"You've made enough idiotic decisions today, woman," that Ulkelorra guy said, stepping in front of her. "Stay back for now."

Orihime frowned sadly. "Move it," she said simply, pushing him off to the side. Reaching Ichigo, she performed the most perfect binding spell ever seen, and lovingly tapped him on the nose. "You've been romantic enough for one date, silly. Now it's my turn."

Fastening and clasping the leash and collar, she then turned to lead him out of the scene. "I'm going to make our second date as memorable as our first!" she said happily while they walked away.

"… What the hell?" What's-his-face, you know – Elcholera? asked no one.

"Kill me now," Ishida moaned pathetically.

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Orihime surveyed herself in the locker room mirror, twisting and tugging at the skimpy fabric. Her swimsuit top was baby blue with two hamburgers on it, and her bottoms were bright orange with a large American flag on the bottom. She giggled to herself, knowing that her outfit was the result of her leading Ichigo into the wave pool entrance shop, saying, "We need two swimsuits!" Anyone not used to their love would be surprised, she reasoned. She shopkeeper was so overcome by their romance that he didn't even look at the swimsuit pieces he grabbed off the racks! The silly man couldn't keep his eyes off Kurosaki-kun's large, hairy, clawed, horned manly figure!

But ahh, yes, the wave pool! Satisfied, she left the locker room and was happy to find Kurosaki-kun right where she left him: Tethered to the wall (magically, okay??) outside the locker room, ripping chunks of concrete off the walls and floor.

"Kurosaki-kun!" she chided. "We must not act up when we're company!"

Ichigo snarled, his fist crushing a chunk of concrete into dust.

Orihime gently sprayed a stream of water in his face with her 'Behavior Corrector for the Not-So-Devine Feline' spray bottle (size XXXXXL, for tigers and sphinxes). "Don't get too excited too fast," she winked, taking his leash in her hand.

"We're going to the wave pool!" she informed him, happily walking in its direction while Ichigo prowled behind her, his claws leaving large dents in the floor.

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"Your antique French lace swim trunks sure are manly, Kurosaki-kun!" Orihime said to him shyly, reflecting on how the shopkeeper had wonderful taste in clothes. She was trying to keep her eyes soft and downcast. She knew that the stereotypical Asian love interest was bashful, submissive and ridiculously feminine, and that was just what Kurosaki-kun always wanted!

"**WAAARRRBBBLLTHTHHHH!!"** he answered, on all fours, his face still submerged in edge of the pool, as he continued inhaling large gulps of its water. If she'd known he was so thirsty, she would have bought him several dozen lemonades, but he seemed to really like the taste of chlorine.

Perhaps she was missing out? Lowering her mouth to the pool, she took several dainty sips, and then decided that it must be an acquired taste, and that she wasn't that thirsty anyways.

"We're on a romantic date," she had to keep informing envious passer-bys. "Time to start swimming!" She jumped into the pool, tugging Kurosaki-kun with her.

"**UUUUUGGGGHHHHHHRRRRAAAAAAUUGHHHH!!!!" **Kurosaki-kun bellowed upon contact with the cool, refreshing water, his limbs thrashing with what was probably excitement. Orihime giggled.

Kurosaki-kun then began seizing full-grown, adult men and throwing them the 100 or so meters to the other end of the pool. Splash! It was a game! Orihime would have joined in, but she knew she wouldn't be able to lift adult men, and thought it might be a tad wild of her to try throwing babies across the pool, so she had to sit out. And there weren't any babies in the pool, anyways. Instead, she supported him by playfully splashing him in the face.

Suddenly, there was a loud, sharp buzzing sound.

Startled, Kurosaki-kun seized a nearby swimming tube and began ripping it to shreds with his teeth, aggressively swallowing the large chunks of rubber and growling at anyone who looked at him.

"Don't be scared, Kurosaki-kun! That's just the warning that the waves are about to begin!" Orihime reassured him, splashing more water in his face. He snarled at her, and she giggled at his playful attitude.

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After throwing herself into countless waves, Orihime waded through the thick layer of shredded swimming tubes and water wings, tugging Kurosaki-kun alongside her.

"I had a really great second date today," she said bashfully, stopping. The calm water lapped at her ankles.

"**HHHHRRRRGGGGHHH!!" **he grunted, baring his fangs at the crowd that had gathered to watch him. The head lifeguard was clutching an AK-47 fearfully. He eyed it hungrily, a large string of drool hanging from his lips.

"We have so much in common," Orihime continued. "I cannot wait for our third, fourth, fifth date!" She tugged at his leash. "C'mon, let's go home. We'll stop for ice cream, because I feel like this date will never end!"

And it never did. Every moment was a date for those two. Long live IchiHime!

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THE END

(OR IS IT ONLY ... **THE BEGINNING!!**)

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**author's note:** some of the justifications used by militant IchiHime shippers are ... odd ... to put it lightly and passive-aggressively (which is my favorite kind of -ly). heart-shaped rocks somehow represent true romance, but not the actually, you know, gaining of a heart. i applaud their astounding logic because ... it makes perfect sense. this really isn't a dig at the IchiHime pairing or those who ship it; it's a swipe at the idea that while Ichigo was that monster, he was capable of romance. how does that saying go? oh yeah: you can't be a terrifying, unthinking, unfeeling, **war machine of a monster **without being a romantic at heart. (o wait wat ichigo had no heart in that form, lol. oh well, that classic saying still applies.)

please review. if you leave a review, i'll contact you on chat roulette. oh baby


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